In Bangladesh, 98% of the people are Bengalis. The remaining 2% are tribals, Biharis, and others. Bangladesh is a country where the majority (more than 91%) of the people are Muslims. Of the 98% Muslims, most belong to the Bengali ethnicity. The remaining are Biharis and tribals (very few).

The Muslim marriage system and culture are almost the same in Bangladesh. Muslims follow centuries-old Bengali customs during marriage, pre-wedding, and post-wedding. Recently, Western cultures have been influencing them.

I have attended many Bangladeshi Muslim weddings. I am going to share my experiences there.

Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings Arrangement

In Bengali culture, marriage is not only between two people (bride and groom); it also brings two previously unknown families together as relatives. Arranged marriages, love marriages, and semi-arranged marriages are all common in the society.

Arranged Marriage:

A Ghotok is the mediator who shows bride and groom photos to their families. He works as a middleman during the marriage process. When both families, along with the bride and groom, like each other in a meeting, wedding preparations begin.

Love Marriage:

We all know about love marriages.

Semi-Love Marriage:

Initially, the boy and girl fall in love. Then they inform their parents and families about it. After that, both families arrange the wedding. There is no Ghotok (mediator).

Dekha Dekhi (Seeing Each Other)

Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings
Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings

The first stage is Dekha Dekhi. Normally, the groom and his family visit the bride’s home to see her. At that time, the bride and groom talk to each other. If they like each other and their families, the groom’s family gives an engagement ring to the bride. The bride’s family offers delicious food to the guests based on their ability.

Sometimes the wedding does not happen if either party finds faults with the other family or bride/groom after secretly receiving information from others. This is a unique aspect of Bengali (both Muslim and Hindu) culture.

Pre-Wedding Arrangement

The bride and groom, along with their families, engage in many activities such as buying new clothes and ornaments, organizing community center fare, food arrangement, and security, etc. One of the most important stages of pre-wedding is Gaye Holud.

 

Gaye Holud (Applying Turmeric on the Body)

Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings
Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings

It is a function arranged separately by both families. On this day, the bride-to-be and groom-to-be wear yellow-colored sarees with flower bands (Bengali dress) and yellow-colored Punjabis. Their relatives apply turmeric to their skin (forehead and face) and bless them while feeding them various foods. Afterward, some members of each family visit the other’s house with gifts to give turmeric. Bengali wedding music, including songs, is played during this time. A dinner is arranged where biryani and borhani are offered. This is a very interesting part of Bengali culture. I recommend you attend a Bengali wedding.

Village weddings are more interesting. In the megacity Dhaka, Western and Indian cultures are influencing the traditional practices.

Wedding Ceremony

Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings
Bangladeshi Muslim Weddings

The wedding ceremony takes place after the Gaye Holud events. The bride’s family arranges the wedding ceremony, and the groom, with his friends and family (Borjatri), usually arrives later in the evening. Nowadays, wedding ceremonies often happen at noon on Fridays.

The groom arrives at the event by car or Palki (rarely used recently). He rides in the car with two people, typically his niece, nephew, or brother-in-law. Before leaving for the wedding venue, the groom receives blessings from his mother and asks her permission to start a new life. In Muslim weddings, the groom’s mother accompanies him to the bride’s house.

In Muslim weddings, the groom’s mother gives the bride jewelry and sarees (Red Jamdani saree). The red saree is a Bengali tradition. The bride then changes into her wedding saree and jewelry. The groom and his father meet with the bride’s father to sign the mahr contract.

During the ceremony, the bride and groom sit separately. A Kazi (a government-registered officiant) completes the marriage by asking them “Kabul,” which means “accept” in Arabic. After that, the bride and groom receive blessings from elders for their new conjugal life. Meanwhile, food is offered, and the wedding is celebrated with photographs, dancing, and music. Afterward, the bride says farewell to her family and moves to the groom’s house, creating a poignant moment for the bride’s family.

Post-Wedding Arrangement

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The following day, Boubhat is arranged by the groom’s house. Nowadays, the program is organized in a community center. This is essentially a reception party. The bride’s family is also invited, along with the groom’s friends, relatives, and neighbors.

After the occasion, the bride’s family returns to their daughter’s new home with the groom’s family. One or two female members of the bride’s family who came with her are given gifts from the groom’s family.

A few days later, the bride’s family arranges a mini program called Bat-Gosti/Preeti Voj. On this day, they invite the groom’s family for lunch and dinner. The food is prepared at home, and some homemade desserts are offered. The groom’s family comes with some of their members, and the bride’s family gives gifts, usually clothes, to the people who came with the groom after Boubhat.

Changes

Nowadays, lifestyles are very expensive. Many bride and groom families arrange a joint wedding program sponsored by both families instead of separate wedding and Boubhat programs.

Music galas are now arranged in elite families, reflecting foreign culture.

Chittagongian Wedding

There are some differences between Chittagongian marriages and those in other parts of Bangladesh. Here, the groom’s family and friends visit the bride’s house the night before the wedding instead of on the wedding day.

 

 

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